Thursday, April 14, 2011

Topless Barmen, Topless Drummers & Bubbies

Went to Cosmopolitan’s Hottest Barman Search last night. It was awesomery. Above all else, it was a good excuse to go out with The Slores* and squeak some tekkie. Shirtless men who know how to mix a cocktail make the perfect backdrop. Some guy that had Justin Bieber hair won. Okay, okay, he’s not “some guy” - he’s a cutie: Ryan.

I had two “normal” drinks the whole night, and spent the rest of it being fed caramel vodka shots by @RabinHarduth and @idale. (HAPPY BIRTHDAY RABIN!) That stuff is delish, but I have a whore of a headache. Admittedly, have had worse. So I’ve HTFU and shan’t complain. Too much.

The 10 saxxxy boys chosen by Cosmo to mix and do pec-flicks were all very yummy. But the half-time entertainment, “1st Project” had me sliding off my seat. Those boys can BANG drums, yo. Yossoss. Give me a minute.
‘Kay I’m back. They are HAWT! And too sweet. I ambushed Justin, who does the normal drum-set and is thus seated to the back of the other three lads. He really shouldn’t be. He’s quite scrumptious. And so nice. Even offered to teach me, er, piano. (But seriously, I’m taking up piano, so he’s putting me in touch with his penist friend at Wits. Or is it pianist?)

The event was sponsored by Collison’s. I hate brandy. I had a rough experience in my 2nd year of journalism. It was Dropzone’s birthday week, and anyone who lives in Pretoria knows what that means. Fucking. Debauchery. For a whole week. They also have two for one specials earlier in the evening. And my friend, Ze German, bought us several of many double brandy and ginger ales. Now, that’s actually a rather good drink - yummy and sweet. A lot like a ginger square. But six of them a night for four nights = votch.

So yes. I hate brandy.

But those cute bartenders made some damn yummy cocktails outta that stuff. I particularly lied the blokes who managed to hide one shot of the brandy in a river of triple sec and cranberry juice.

Highlights were: my weekly allowance of face-time in @KirstyStoRAWR’s boobies. My first go at @TheJoLurie’s tataahs. She’s promised me extra titty-time on cleavage day. Squeezing Storar’s friend’s massively amazing and perky yet pendulous breasts.

So WELL DONE COSMO. Super party. Awesome guest-list. The ladies there were gorgeous, fun and crazy, and the lads were willing to spend. Perfect formula.

Now, someone get me a creamsober.

*These skanks I hang out with. They are gorgeous, smutty and delicious. And they let me touch there boobs. Say no more.

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