Monday, January 3, 2011
The Rise Of Reality Whoredom
By now, you’ve no doubt heard about the travesty that is the Kim Kardashian single. But, have you heard-heard it?? I was looking for a link to something resembling a reliable bit of audio - but frankly, I’m not that desperate to torture you. Check the youtube link below if you wanna checkit yo.
It irks me enough that people like this exist - without having to share a name with one of them. It’s nothing against KK personally (sort of) - she’s gorgeous. There’s no disputing that. And yaaaa you can gab on about your “fat arse” theories, but Sasha tells me that in person she’s actually quite petite, and it’s more of a proportions thing. (I was sick the day the sisters were in studio. Still can’t decide whether or not I’m happy about that...) And she gives really good face, dudes - there’s no denying. But she, and her lesser siblings, are the epitome of what’s wrong with 21st Century Earth.
I’m not really going to get on a soapbox and preach. Well, not too much. But this society in which you can do fuck all and make a million off it, is warped. Yes, she is Paris Hilton-esque in that her dad was a badass lawyer for high people in low places, so had the launch-pad. But that so many real, live humans adore, and so much as worship her, is baffling. This goes into a larger sociological discussion about reality TV as a whole, which I’m beyond addressing right now. I find the fascination to be a bit self-contradicting: you’re watching these people live “their normal lives, like normal people”, but it’s most certainly not their normal lives, and it’s definitely not normal. Their “fame” revolves around a “reality” show, which they spend their days filming. That’s to say, the little gimmicks and shoots and fights and drama are mostly deliberately organised, or are at the most honest a product of the show. And yes, I hear the echoes of “well I don’t care! It’s entertaining” - but that still doesn’t answer for all the excitement. How amped were the Saffas when those walking endorsements were here? Ohmagaad, like, totallaaay! Because despite themselves, watchers of the shows are slowly drawn into idolising them; revering them. Brainwashing I tell ya.
In all honesty, I don’t mind these famewhores doing what they’re good at: famewhoring. Yes, just two paragraphs up it pissed me off that they earn money doing nothing. But I would rather be laughing at their irrelevance than see them confusing themselves with the famous people who actually have talent. When these talentless drones enter the supposedly sacred worlds of acting and music - we need to do a double take. As human beings, we tend to always strive for more - especially ambition-nutty Americans. Business boys straight out of college will always be gunning for that next job, the big investment that’s getting them the corner office. Similarly, famewhores, once content to be as much, earning a small fortune also feel the need to “climb the fame ladder”. Once they’re too familiar with the brand of fame they’ve ‘earned’, it starts to smell a little naff. Like sweaty pants left in a car boot for three weeks. But hark! There is the glamorous movie actress - shiny on a cover, with all the fame they’ve ever dreamed of! But there’s something extra they get: respect! Because famewhores can’t land big-time rockstars or movie stars. Unless they’re undercover - but again - that’s another breed entirely. They need to try equate themselves if they’re going to be invited to one of Leo DiCaprio’s parties. And this is the reason for the dross we are exposed to. Heidi Montag, Paris Hilton, KK and several ‘desperate housewives’ all ‘singing’ and ‘acting’; Lauren Conrad, Audrina Partrdige, Olivia Some-thing-or-other and every other orange harpee all ‘designing their own clothing lines’. It’s an insult that people finance this shit. No KK, you cannot act. Despite a cameo in that Scary Movie 405 or whatever it was. And those rumours that you’d be a good candidate for Wonder Woman. (I’m certain twitterer @crustyww would die on the spot.) And no KK, you cannot sing, despite the magic of technology and autotune. And it’s REALLY going to piss you off because the beat is generic pop in every sense of the word: it’s shit, but it’s going to get stuck in your head and you’re going to bop it. And it’s all synthesized, of course.
If we playlist it, we might have a problem.