Monday, August 30, 2010

Oh Poppy-Cock!



Mkay so I might have gone a bit overboard on the whole “not wanting to sit in traffic” sphiel. I’m at work already. It’s 6.30am. I don’t start work ‘til 9am. To be fair, it did take me all of forty minutes to get from Pretoria to Jo’burg, as opposed to the mandatory two hours most people do. But now I have three hours to kill.

Not to worry – I have (from the start had) full intentions of going to gym before my shift starts. I was kind of hoping Auckland Park would have a Virgin Active conveniently placed on the top floor of the SABC. Alas, I will apparently have to try out the gym at “Old Eds”. This “Old Eds” place eludes me. But I shall conquer it. I’m driving there after work to ch-ch-check it out. And if I can’t join tomorrow morning I’m leaving at 5.45am and dealing with the consequences.

I’m all bright and sparky now – oooh yes the morning highs of waking up at cock’s fart are all grand and dandy now. But wait ‘til 10am. Imma crash like a roller with a broken heart. (If you don’t get this – look up “ornithology”.) It always happens when I have to fill in for Leigh-Ass Hole. All fuckin’ chipper ’til my body realises, “sweet Mary Poppins’ crumpets! I’ve been awake for six whole bollocky-dashed hours! My-my, is it nap time already? Toodle-loo!” You see, what it is, is that that’s when my afternoon slump technically starts. At 10am. FML right?

Needless to say, this whole Pretoria commute should make life interesting. There are the people who seem to think that even though there are three solid lanes of, albeit moving, traffic, they can still manage to weave their ways to Jozi quicker than the rest of us. They never win, by the way. Just in case you’re one of them. (Buttface.) Then there’s the constant joy of the UNBELIEVABLY SHIT condition of the highway. Which they want to charge us R60 a day to use next year. Ya. Try get that money out of me, govvament, I dare ya. Unless driving on that highway is the auto equivalent of foot skiing on baby oil, I’m not paying. And the bonus to all this great tarring they have going at the moment, is that you are bound to pop a tyre at some point. (Again, I realise we’re all supposed to be driving at about 80km/h, but NO one does, and that’ll turn that forty minute trip into at least an hour. And frankly…. Get bent.) So like I said, interesting. (I’ve decided to leave out the obvious rant about petrol costs and fuel economy. That goes without saying, an frankly, it’s unavoidable and something I’ve decided to deal with. End.)

Wish me luck! I’ll be sure to update you on any terribly interesting driving oddities. (‘Cause those are enthralling I tell you.)

(I’ve grown fond of parentheses. I have far too many branched thoughts for it not to get confusing without brackets. Bless brackets. I loves them. Commas can be problematic. Stop.)

No comments:

Post a Comment