Thursday, August 12, 2010

Grammatic Ties

Consider this the desperate plea of someone who’s very fond of words. What with egomaniacal campaigns to be do-gooders plastering themselves all over my goddamn twitter feed, I figured my cause would have to be that of the dying sanctity of language. Yes. I am a Grammar Nazi. I’ve got no problem with the odd error, particularly via text or on Blackberry Messenger. Nor even the phonetic spelling to convey a particular accent. That kind of thing only adds to our use of the written word; gives more dimension to it. But lazy, neglectful language or even a rebellious tendency to “not give a fuck” really boils my goose. (Insert tribute to Andy Samberg here. ”Boy-yelled gue-oooose”)

When I was in high school cell phones were pretty common, but still not mandatory. Texting was on the rise, but it wasn’t yet a lifeline. In short, the worst offenders were people who sucked at spelling, and those that had, in their younger days, neglected the joy of reading. The decline came right along with the exponential availability of technology. Before we knew it, every nine-year-old was stuck to a little LED screen with lobotomized drool leaking from their gaping sphincters. And they weren’t only opening the market for pink glitter covers – they were opening the abyss of acronyms, emoticons and stupid sayings that come with kids who are too lazy to type the one extra letter it takes to spell "the" instead of "da".

Now you may ask, why do I give a continental shit? Well you see, these pillagers (yah) are growing up and are slowly leaking out into the real world. Many of them are on twitter with me. And they’re allergic to vowels. And the worst part is, it’s not even limited to people under eighteen. Some people have agreed fervently with my occasional outbursts of Nazi fury, stating their hatred of the bastardisation of the English language. One such agent also muddled up “they’re” and “their” in the same bloody day. Not to mention a couple of “is/are” errors. So not only are people really shitty at spelling and grammar, they don’t know it. Scared yet?

My point is, without thorough control of the English language, you’ll lose your ability to concisely, accurately and emphatically communicate not only basic messages, but your emotions. People who don’t take being articulate seriously sound dumb for a reason. And someone who’s not necessarily clever can sound like a bloody genius if s/he has a good grasp of grammar. (Though, point two is that people who are articulate and well-spoken are seldom, if ever, not smart. Because they’ve read books. That is wholly different death camp, to be dealt with at a later stage I’m sure.) If you are eloquent, people will listen to you.

If we’re slowly, generation by generation, nullifying the importance of good language, aren’t we also destructing years of evolution? It took humans millions of years to reach the basic point of speech, let alone the thousands more it took to perfect communication through specific pronunciations and laws. If speaking properly is "so overrated", four thousand years from now we’re going to be grunting, hairy chimps with under-bites. When people are actually saying “LOL” to each other, instead of actually laughing out loud, we’re clearly losing our aural identity. Losing our ability to communicate precisely is the beginning of the downfall. Not communism or global warming: poor talkage!

Can we just add da one extra letter and have "the"? Cld we plz nt wrt lk ths cz iz so UNNECESSARY! It’s not clever, or cool and certainly not original. Even if yOu pick O as yOur letter tO be in caps all the time and nO One else has. "They’re" is for "they are" and "their" is a possessive pronoun. "Is" is singular and "are" is plural. It’s pretty easy when you pretend to give a shit. I mean, what do you do all day if it’s not talking, huh? Do it proper like yea.


  1. I came across your blog today and have to admit that I love this post particularly. I even belong to a FaceBook group based on the same subject.

    None the less, keep it up - I'm really enjoying your writing.

  2. Thanks Steve! I'm going to try update it more regularly :)